Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
