Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
