I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
