Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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