haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think my vagina is haunted
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
