He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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