I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
