4 words: hood of his car
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
