He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize