Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You are a genius and a whore.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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