I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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