So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
