it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
