It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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