Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
