the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
