Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
