last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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