He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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