Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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