last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
