If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
