I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
