im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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