Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a bag of teeth...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
