You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
