there's paper in my vomit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
