I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
