going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.