girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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