She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
