did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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