I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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