I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
