she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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