you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
