I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
