Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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