I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
