I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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