just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
