So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
