I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
