and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
