There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
