why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
