I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
