Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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