idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont even know how to be here
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
