I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize