Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize