How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
