DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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