how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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