I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
