I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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