i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
