never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
