I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
