He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
