I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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