fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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