That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
