Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
