Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
