Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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