At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
