girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize