So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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