Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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