Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
