Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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