I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
