my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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