I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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