yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
