i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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