its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
