he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
