Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
