Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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