1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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